two yappers and a goose

Current mood: amused

On the corner across from my condo, there is a house that is guarded by two yappers and a goose.

Behind the glass panels that flank the door of the home are the two yappers - brave, aggressive and the highest jumpers they know. (Not a yapper fan... big-dog barks are music to my ears.)

Standing on the porch a few feet from the schnauzer-jumping-beans stands a goose. A goose.

Uh huh… a well-dressed, countryesque, long-necked goose. I'm beginning to think the goose may have a more extensive wardrobe than I have. The goose, positioned where it can keep a daily watch on the front lawn and any passersby that are patronized by the stare of the goose and threatened by the jump of the yappers, sports new attire with each season, each holiday and simply each time the homeowner feels the goose needs a new look (and likely sends the gander-duds off for dry-cleaning).

I've actually witnessed the woman (who clearly has entirely too much time on her hands) sitting on her front steps nurturing the goose, changing its clothing and, while I'm not certain of this part, I'm guessing she's probably speaking kindly to the goose and whispering sweet nothings about how he's the best goose anybody could have standing guard over her front porch. As I walked past and saw the lady stripping the goose of its latest frilly, lace-saturated, pastel garb that could certainly humiliate even the proudest of geese, I had to look away for fear of accidentally making eye contact with the woman and being struck by that evil curse called politeness that would result in me feeling compelled to acknowledge the goose and perhaps even compliment him on his most recent attire.

The goose and his schnauzer army, comprised of Lieutenant Leap and Sergeant Spring, try their derndest to taunt my rather indifferent Beauregard as we make our daily laps around the block. I'd be interested to see just how valiant the threesome would be if I inadvertently lost the grip on Beau's leash and mistakenly tossed his new football in their direction. While he could not care any less about a stuffed goose and a pair of nincompoops bouncing behind glass, he does become rather possessive of his toys. I'm thinking he'd make quick work of the goose (leaving only white stuffing and pink ornamental fabric as evidence that a goose even once existed) and the hurdling twins would hightail it for the hills.

I find this interesting:
Term: Goose
Part of Speech: Noun
Definition: One deficient in judgment and good sense.
Synonyms: ass, idiot, imbecile, jackass, mooncalf, moron, ninny, nitwit, simple, simpleton, softhead, tomfool