Friday, January 18, 2008

damned if I do...

Lately, I've gotten a bit bogged down in... just crap. And sometimes I wonder if there exists in the world another person who has ever remotely felt the way I do.

Maybe it's the writer in me, but I tend to let my imagination run wild. I guess I day dream. Or just dream.

I think I can do anything... everything. I've always had that mentality. When I decide to do something, I do it. That simple. And if I'm told I can't do something, I strive that much harder to make it happen.

I dreamed of being a beach guard in PCB (all 110 pounds of me). I decided I wanted it. I did it.

I dreamed of having my writing published. I decided I wanted it. I did it.

I dreamed of moving to LA to model. I decided I wanted it. I did it.

I dreamed of moving back to Florida and being an event planner. I decided I wanted it. I did it.

I dreamed of having the world's cutest dog. I decided I wanted it. I di... well, I guess I didn't do that one. That one sort of fell into my lap. I believe Beau found me... at a time when I needed him most.

It's always been very simple for me. I want something, I make it happen. Doesn't matter the odds.

That hasn't been the case lately. And I'm really struggling to be on this end of the deal. It's actually very difficult for me to accept. It's easier to just imagine that you're working your way there, that it's just a matter of time... it's easier to just dream.

And again, I often wonder if there exists a single soul who can understand that.

Don't go calling my mom - I'm not jumping from any bridges. Writing is how I release. And a week from now, I'll look back at this and laugh at how dramatic it is. I hope.

And if you know me at all, then you know I'm gonna try to make light of most anything. So, I found this today. And I think you'll agree it serves as proof positive that The Far Side is based on my life. I should be getting royalties.

Cartoon: