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A Few Important Things My Dad Has Taught Me:

--How to change a tire.

--Elbows do not belong on the table.

--Pantyhose will keep you warm in the woods.

--Check the oil every two weeks.

--A baby blue hat can cure any illness.

--A cold collard sandwich, while not especially appetizing, is possible.

--How to handle a stick on a hill.

--Girls can hang with the guys during hunting season.

--Deer sausage (heated in the microwave) and wrapped in a piece of bread with mustard makes a great breakfast.

--I was not raised in a barn.

--The gray is just new hair that hasn't yet developed color.

--We can probably make that for cheaper... and then it's an original.

--If you get that stuff in your eyes, the stuff that comes in a can like WD-40 but is not WD-40, then turn the water hose on your eye immediately to get rave reviews from the doctor.

--Use hairspray to stiffen a spider's legs so he can't move.

--A strawberry sundae from Dairy Queen can ease the pain following a visit to the health department for those stupid shots. And pretty much that ice cream is an all-around good thing.

--What words to use in a car dealership so that they think I know what I'm talking about.

--It can be cool to sit on the back porch and watch the lightning... but know when it's time to come in. (just count the seconds between the strike and the thunder to know how close the storm is)

--Word hard. But if you can rig it, do it.

--Ask Mom.

Thanks, Dad. And happy Father's Day.