.
.
.
Naked Catering.
.
.
.
Yep, you read correctly.
.
.
.
Naked Catering.
.
.
.
It does exist.

Last night I was the door girl at the kick off event for Naked Catering. And anybody that knows me doesn't even have to ask - of course, I had clothes on. I was basically playing PR person for Valet Girls. All the invites were party planners and media to introduce them to Naked Catering.

(Speaking of Valet Girls - I... well, my hands... recently appeared in LA Weekly. Check out my Fun Pics page to see the photo!)

So, back to the Naked Catering thing. Wild. Absolutely nuts. But once you get past the naked part, the idea is interesting. Although it's certainly not the type catering I would recommend for the company Christmas party. Unless, of course the company Christmas party is being hosted at Heff's house.

The bartenders (men) wore loincloths. And can I just say - gross. Put them in a pair of little shorts or something... maybe that'd be somewhat attractive.

The servers (women) wore shoes. And body paint. Most were painted to look like they wore tuxedos... with tails even.

Aside from the fact that clothing is optional on the servers, the catering and party was extravagant. First class. Upon entering, the guests were greeted at the door by security and the door girl (moi) who checked a list for their names. If their names appeared on the list, they were then allowed to enter and asked to sign the guest book.

Each drink from the bar was donned with a LiteCube (www.eyecatcher.com) - a false ice cube that lights up in electric colors - blue, white, green, red, etc. Just beyond was the sushi bar where a man (clothed) carved roses from raw fish. Further inside was a fountain of chocolate where guests were welcomed to dip skewered fruit (strawberries, melon, etc.).

Cinnamon pita bread, spiced salami, cuts of beef, pork pastry puffs... all wonderful selections from Chef Pieps who created the truly unique VIP catering service. Incidentally, Chef Pieps (pronounced pipes) looks an awful lot like Laurence Fishbourne. Hmmm. Super nice fellow as well. Extremely professional.

And, as what I can only assume was a joke, hot dogs were also served. A girl wearing painted tails carried them around on a tray like you would see at Dodger Stadium. (For those back home - think Braves.)

Media was there. Camera crews from television (ABC, E!, etc.), journalists from newspapers and magazines, photographers, and many others, including PR firms and event coordinators. So, my face may turn up in any number of locations. If it does, rest assured I was fully clothed and did little more than smile, meet and greet, mingle with potential clients and push Valet Girls. Consider that my self-clearing statement... and I plead the fifth regarding anything else that may turn up.

Kat and I, both Valet Girls, handed out a ton of cards last night and were even offered future work with Pieps, LiteCubes and others. I even made a PR connection with BWR Public Relations (an Ogilvy PR Worldwide Company).

Thank God for Kat, though. I think I would have been 100% nuts if she weren't there. She is so normal... but then, she's not from LA. And I guess that says it all right there. Some of the best folks I've met out here are not from LA. Alana moved from Orlando about the same time I did (a student and cheerleader at UCF), Kat moved here only 3 months ago, the "security" guy at the door last night was from Oregon, Stephanie (Texas), Jordan (New York, but not the big city), Kim (New Hampshire)... and the list goes on. Meeting someone from LA is as rare as that fish last night.

Naked Catering has a site that will be launched soon - www.NakedCatering.com. Check it out. And if you are hosting a party, consider hiring Valet Girls to park your cars and Naked Catering to... well, cater... somewhat.

Go Dawgs! 13 and 0 at half time. I have faith that UGA will kick some Auburn tail!!

Last night I worked on top of a mountain in Malibu. Talk about COLD! So, I wore this great fleece cap that kept my ears warm and really looked cool.

But there's one problem.

I've decided that I hate the name "beanie." It's such a cool hat, but such a dumb name. Say it out loud and really listen to yourself. BEANIE. Ya see? Stupid, wimpy, dorky-sounding name.

I'm committed to coming up with a much cooler name for the fun little hats.

19-0!!

Beanie. Psh. I hate saying that and refuse to do so from this point forward.

The hat's current name has zero to do with its shape or purpose or... anything. So the way I figure, my name for it doesn't have to make sense either. The only criteria is that the new name is cooler than bea- oops. Said I wouldn't say that again.

How about...

Ridger

Reamer

Bilt

Brimless

Uga Cap

26-7!! FINAL!! GO DAWGS!! Woohoo!!

Any ideas? I really think this new name is a must. Come on, why name something worn on the head after a food? A really icky food. Makes about as much sense as underwater ballet. I mean, it's just dumb.

I've started valeting on weekends and at night for extra cash.

Valet Girls. If you say it fast, it sounds like Valley Girls. Isn't that too cute? Our signature color is candy pink and we're recognized all over LA. "We park, you party." We're an all-girls group who park cars at private parties everywhere from mountain tops to beach front in Malibu.

As I've learned in the past few days, you can learn a lot about a person by being a Valet.

A nice car does not mean a nice tip. They likely are scrimping and saving to make that nice payment.

In the same regard, a big celebrity does not mean a big tip. But I do have to mention Bill Paxton. He's the exception. Awesome guy, awesome tipper. Super polite, humble, not too big for his britches, and not afraid to conversate with the girl who brought him his car (moi!). And he has a great natural Texan accent that he doesn't try to disguise.

Can you tell Mr. Paxton made a good impression on me? In a 90-second encounter, he made a new fan... and I told friends and family and couple of strangers. I know it wasn't his intent, but his smile, kind words, and generous thanks resulted in positive PR that spread like wildfire by word of mouth. (Incidentally, the wildfires in LA are extinguished... thanks to some great firefighters and a little help from above - two days of rain.)

See his films, buy the DVDs.

You see how kindness, even in brevity, can make such a striking impact?

Perhaps a certain owner of a Ferrari should consider that fact the next time he says, "I don't know about letting a chick drive my car." I loved my supervisor's reply, "Perhaps you'll let a bitch drive your car." I just wish that had actually been voiced.

And let me assure you, Mr. Hot Britches, next to the person who invented the F1 transmission, you will not meet a person (or chick) more educated about the electro hydraulic gear and clutch system with controls on the steering wheel. Oh yes, I went home and educated myself that night when he squealed off. You know the F1 - the same system used in Ferrari's Formula One cars. Right, the F1 - the system that allows the driver to switch gears without taking HER hands off the wheel, allows for faster speed when shifting and doesn't require full release of the accelerator when shifting. Oh, and the F1 also prevents over-revving.

Doesn't that sound even easier to drive than a standard? It takes more effort to put gas in the tank.

I'm not calling F1 driver lazy. It's still a car. It still has a break, a clutch, an accelerator and a gear shift. They're just in different spots.

But I will tell you who IS lazy. Last night, I parked a brand new Corvette (no plates, yet), silver, convertible top, PRETTY CAR!... ... ... automatic.

I mean, what is the fun in that?

Almost as boring as the automatic Porsche I parked last weekend. Come on, are you kidding? If you're gonna buy a sports car, then buy a sports car - not just the shell.

But then, these cars are usually driven by men who wouldn't otherwise turn heads... they NEED the car.

Considering who they are, the Osbournes drive a relatively conservative car - almost family-like. (Funny how they've become this image of family - and kinda scary.) It was a nice BMW. The only thing outstanding about it was its push-button start -- which most of the new BMWs are equipped with.

Sharon and Ozzy made good impressions on me as well. Very patient about waiting for us three girls trying desperately to start their car (the push-button sounds much easier than it actually is). Sharon was just as cute in person, very nice, and very smiley. Ozzy was... Ozzy. He looked, acted, and dressed exactly like he does in the show... which only further impressed me because it confirmed that he doesn't put on a face for public.

A sweater was haphazardly tossed in the seat of the car, the smell of cologne was in the car, a few random things in the console... just so terribly normal. Which is absolutely great.

Before I close, let me just share a few things that may be helpful the next time you are valeted.

1 - If the girl takes a while to return with your car, it's because she had to run a long distance down the street to get your stinking car. And let me assure you - she ran.

2 - If you hand a girl a five dollar bill, don't ask for 3 ones in change... especially if she retrieved your car in the rain from the top of a hill or risked her life crossing PCH.

3 - Unless you're from a southern state and it's in your nature to do so and sounds natural and charming, then don't call a girl honey. It makes you sound condescending and makes the girl want to kick you.

4 - When a girl opens your door to take your car, don't ask if she knows how to drive a stick (or an F1 transmission). And when she says yes, just give her your keys. Never, NEVER, follow up by adding, "Cause most girls don't." The fact my be true, but it's offensive to those of us who can. Sure, there was a time when I didn't know how, but I learned. There was a time when you didn't know how to read, but I'm not going to question your literacy.